Monday, Feb 16th
Today was a warm day. I spent the day working from 9 to 5 at my job, tending to the register and the hungry wants of people eager to buy food, eager to consume.
I found myself falling into a state of inner frenzy in the first couple hours of working, working out all the plans in my head on how I would acquire wealth.
“Should I work here instead?”
“Should I live in a van, drop the job, and work on my business?”
“Should I pay cheap rent by living in a living room, so I can save more money?”
“Should I move back in with my parents, so I can work on the business?”
And some of them acquired a different flavor, as I progressed throughout the day.
Obviously, such questions stem from a deep rooted belief that I am in a state of lack, of not having enough, of not being full, not being content. I say that most of my fears and beliefs are not quite mine, and have roots not just in my parents, but in my ancestry line. We are who we are through our life experiences and the genes acquired through thousands of years of living.
How much of you is truly you?
As the day progressed, I found myself easing into a state of just Being and feeling the environment around me, and of the people that I served.
I smiled, asked them how they were doing, and bid them a farewell, in an exchange of good natured energy.
Soon, an ecstatic energy welled up from within, and I found myself once more, at the base line of my nobility, of my divinity.
I had stepped back into the role as a Saint once more, oh what a delight!
And yet, this foolish saint had much to learn about the twists and turns of the spiritual path.
It would seem that my desire for monkhood was out of my own selfish tendencies. I have yet to examine it all too deeply, but I was so bent on becoming spiritual to the detriment of my health and to the woman that I truly loved.
My quest for God had cost me.
And I realized today, that my desire are those of the Universe, and that they are not sinful at all.
The life a householder began to sound more appealing to me as I progressed throughout the workday, contemplating what it would be like to start a family, to spend the rest of my life with someone I held dear to my life, working a decent 9 to 5 job while working on my business, meditating, and engaging in beautiful activities and adventures.
And sure, there is a time for studying scripture, and going off into the wild to meditate deeply, but there must be a foundation for all of this.
And what is that foundation, but the stability that Being has to offer?
Realizing that wherever one is, he is there, and it will all be okay.
That he is there for a reason, and that the experience he is acquiring will make him all the wiser and more suited to carrying out the Will of the Lord?
And so I sit, cross legged in a living room that is dimly lit by a standing lamp, typing this up on my red laptop.
And I ponder upon the nature of the Mystery, and yearn to truly step into my life’s purpose, to delve into the joy and endless ecstasy of Truth.
Soon the Light is to shine through fully, and the Light shall be Good and Righteous!
Abundance, happiness, peace, creativity, service, it is all at hand.
It is already here.
All of the blessed Fruits of God’s Tree are ready to be plucked at any given time.
But first, one must have Faith, and they must be Willing enough to reach out their hands towards them.
Surrender to Truth, and follow the Quiet Voice that lies inside of you.